Translation: Chelly
Editing/Proofreading: Henry, Harris
Epilogue
After the gathering ended, Mao-san eagerly pulled Kasugai-san along to a new location, declaring, “We’re heading to another spot!”
Meanwhile, with a smile, Anju said, “I’m meeting Anna next,” and stepped onto the train.
As for Akira…
“Man, it feels like forever since I’ve been to your place.”
She followed me home as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
But I knew better than to try to talk her out of it after a drinking party—she wouldn’t listen anyway.
She casually sprawled herself on the couch while I sat on the carpet, quietly observing her profile.
“Ah, by the way, my Zippo! Give it back.”
“Oh, right.”
Prompted, I opened the cabinet under the TV stand.
I took out the lighter I had stored there and handed it to her.
“Here.”
Akira looked back and forth between the lighter and me several times.
Then, with a firm grip, she took hold of both the lighter and my hand.
“Um…what is it?”
When I asked, she looked at me somewhat dissatisfied.
“…Did you sleep with Anna?”
I was momentarily dumbfounded, then sighed.
“Are we really going over this again?”
“Because you never gave me a clear answer!”
“I’ve told you before, nothing happened!”
“Nothing? Define ‘nothing’!”
Pressed directly, I couldn’t help but blush.
“I—I mean, we didn’t sleep together or anything like that.”
“Then what were you two doing alone for two hours…?”
I wonder if she’d believe me if I said Anna was just hugging me from behind while we talked about my fear of women.
“Since that day…you’ve changed quite a bit.”
Akira said softly as I was pondering how to respond.
“Huh?”
Tilting my head in confusion, she raised her voice.
“I mean, look at this! You’re holding my hand, my actual hand! And it doesn’t even seem to faze you. So, it got me thinking, maybe your fear of women has been kind of cured or something…”
“Um… O-oh, yeah… I guess…”
When she pointed it out, I looked down and realized my hand was still firmly in hers.
Only then did I understand what was happening, and I suddenly pulled my hand back.
I felt embarrassed, while she looked at me with disapproval.
“Besides, you started touching my shoulder and stuff—things you never used to do. That’s why…”
She stopped mid-sentence, her face turning a bit red while her gaze wandered.
“Did you have sex with Anna? Did that cure your fear of women…? I—I mean, if it did, that’s really great… But, you know, it kind of annoys me to think it was cured by someone you just met…”
Akira struggled to express herself more than usual.
But I could understand why she felt that way.
She has always been concerned about my “condition.”
Reflecting on it, her sudden approaches and unexpected revealing of skin may have all been to help me build immunity to women.
She might have been making those efforts subtly.
With that in mind, I felt I owed it to her to tell the truth.
“Really, nothing like that happened. Maomi-san just…listened to me.”
“Listened…about what?”
“It was about, you know, how I started to fear women and…what exactly scares me. She asked me to go into detail and then…explained how I can work through it.”
As I spoke, Akira looked at me with an indescribable expression and slightly tilted her head.
“S-so…is it gone now?”
I slowly shook my head in response to her question.
“I can’t say that is the case. But…I feel like I don’t have as severe a reaction of repulsion as before, I think. Especially…toward you, Akira.”
My words made her eyes waver.
“H-hmm… I see. So that’s how it is.”
“Do you believe me?”
When I asked, she averted her gaze from me and nodded firmly.
“Well…I figured as much. I knew you weren’t the type to suddenly do something intimate with a woman he just met.”
“…You were really mad though.”
“That’s because you hid it!”
She suddenly sat up and glared at me.
However, her energy quickly faded, and she slumped back down onto the couch.
“…Hey, tell me about it too.”
“Huh?”
“Like I said, tell me about…your past. I promise I won’t make fun of you. I want to know why you ended up this way.”
Akira said this with a serious look on her face.
She’s always been selfish, turning my life upside down.
Despite that, I’ve always sensed her subtle care.
That she never directly asked me about it until now reflects that.
“All right. I’ll tell you.”
I nodded and sat cross-legged on the carpet.
“It started when…I was in elementary school.”
I recounted to Akira how I developed a fear of women, from the beginning to the end.
I shared how I ended up in an inappropriate relationship with a girl I liked in elementary school, not knowing any better.
This experience made me afraid of interacting with girls in general.
Discovering idols in middle school gradually eased that fear.
However, toward the end of high school, the fear resurfaced.
“So, there was this girl I was pretty close to back then… Yeah, a girl. You know, she always had on slacks and a tie, and she totally acted like one of the guys. Of course, I knew she was a girl. But when we hung out, I treated her just like any of my guy friends.”
I can still remember her. Black, silky, short hair. And a distinctive mole near her eye.
She had a very beautiful face.
“We talked about all sorts of stuff. It was always a blast… But one thing was clear—she didn’t like ‘girls.’“
Akira gasped.
“She often said, ‘I hate women. They never speak their mind.’ That’s why, I never could tell her that…I liked idols.”
At that time, idols were still my passion. They were my salvation in life.
But I couldn’t talk about it to her. I wasn’t foolish enough to bring up something I knew she disliked.
“But one day, eager to read it as soon as I could, I bought a magazine featuring my favorite idol on the cover before heading to school. And she discovered it. Then…she asked me a question.”
The scene is vividly etched in my mind.
In the classroom bathed in the sunset, she leaned against the window and asked me, “Do you like idols?”with a very lonely expression.
“I couldn’t lie. Since she caught me, I told her the truth. Then she followed up with, ‘Hmm, so you like idols. What do you like about them?’”
Just reminiscing and speaking about it is painful. I broke out in a cold sweat.
“I told her…I liked them because they had saved me. She…she got really annoyed and looked so disappointed.”
I can’t forget the way she looked at me then.
“‘Do you like idols more than me?”‘ she said, sounding dejected, and then…”
My breathing became shallow.
“She pushed my right shoulder with a forceful thud.”
I felt a sharp pain in my right shoulder, even though nobody was doing anything now.
Akira’s eyes, staring at me, widened more and more. Before I knew it, she had sat up and was leaning forward, listening intently.
“Then, she said…”
With a throat parched dry, I spat out what had been etched into my heart on that day, at that moment.
“‘Traitor. You’re just a slave to your desires.’”
My hands trembled.
Hearing what I had just said, Akira shook her head vigorously.
I knew why—I had a hunch.
But I kept talking, feeling it was important to do so.
“That scared me. It brought back memories of how I had treated a girl before. Claiming that idols had saved me, I had slowly started to forget about that incident.”
“Yuu…”
“She was right. In the end, my actions were just fueled by lust. Despite having hurt the girl I liked before, my attraction to girls remained. I claimed to admire their perseverance, but I came to understand that I wouldn’t feel the same way about guys.”
“No, Yuu…that’s not true. You don’t have to worry so much…”
“If I keep interacting with women while feeling this way, I’m going to end up hurting someone again. Driven by desires I can’t control…once more…someone will get hurt…”
“Yuu!”
Akira cried out.
Her eyes brimmed with sadness as tears streamed down.
“I—I’m…”
She trailed off, looking down, and then continued.
“I’m sorry…”
She curled up on the sofa, sinking into the cushions.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…!”
She apologized repeatedly.
“Akira, you’re…”
My heart sank as I fixed my gaze on her.
“It’s my fault…!”
She spoke fervently.
Ever since she became a part of my personal life, I’ve noticed the little things.
Her silky black hair, the mole on her face, and even the way her teeth show when she laughs unexpectedly.
All of it reminded me of that girl.
“You’re…Rei Setouchi, aren’t you…?”
When I said that, Akira’s body trembled.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…!”
As she begged for forgiveness, I stroked her back.
“It’s okay… It’s okay. Even so, you’ve saved me.”
I reassured her, but she kept shaking her head.
What a twist of fate.
I can’t escape from my past mistakes.
The only path to inner peace is through acknowledging those errors and finding ways to avoid repeating them.
It was “Rei Setouchi” who deeply embedded this truth within me. Yet, in an unforeseen turn, she has reentered my life as “Akira Sezai.”
Her actions hurt me deeply in the past, and the pain lingers in my heart to this day.
However, I can’t help but acknowledge that I likely caused her the same pain.
“We’re even.”
I said, and Akira slowly looked up and then staggered into my embrace.
She buried her head in my chest and continued to cry, muttering apologies.
I stroked her back, telling her it was okay.
And so, the night deepened.
As it did, it grew increasingly clear this event would change everything.
After Sleep Club 